Remember how everyone gets misty-eyed about “the good old days”? Well, buckle up for a reality check. The 1970s weren’t just about disco and bell-bottoms—they were a carnival of everyday items quietly plotting your demise. Before liability lawyers took over, we somehow survived an era when danger lurked in everything from breakfast spreads to playground equipment (spoiler alert: tetanus shots weren’t optional, they were inevitable).
22. Trans Fats
The 1970s food industry discovered the miracle ingredient that would make processed food outlast human civilization. Trans fats were the preservative equivalent of embalming fluid for your Twinkies, dumped into everything from margarine to snack cakes. Of course, these fats were essentially performing a slow-motion heart attack, raising bad cholesterol while decreasing the good kind. Today’s food labels might require a chemistry degree to decipher, but at least “partially hydrogenated oils” has been shown the door.
21. Clackers
Nothing says “we didn’t think this through” quite like Clackers—two acrylic balls attached by string that kids would swing together until they shattered into razor-sharp shards moving at the speed of regret. These plastic projectiles were basically eye-seeking missiles disguised as toys. The FDA finally stepped in during 1971, presumably after witnessing too many emergency room visits.
20. Metal Playgrounds
Today’s playgrounds look like padded interrogation rooms designed by insurance adjusters. The 1970s playground was essentially a training camp for tiny gladiators. Metal slides that reached skin-searing temperatures by noon? Standard. Climbing structures tall enough to give stunt doubles second thoughts, installed over concrete? Absolutely. Modern foam-covered, rounded-edge playgrounds might be boring, but at least your kid comes home with their original dental configuration intact.
19. Lawn Darts (Jarts)
Some marketing genius in the ’70s thought: “What if we gave children weighted spears with metal tips to throw around the yard?” Lawn darts—or “Jarts”—were essentially miniature javelins that families tossed during backyard cookouts (preferably after several beers, because alcohol and projectile weapons are history’s perfect partnership). It took until 1988 and the tragic death of a 7-year-old for someone to finally ban these weaponized lawn toys.
18. Swing Bikes
Whoever engineered swing bikes clearly moonlighted as an emergency room consultant. These mechanical death traps featured dual frames and pivot points that allowed the front and rear to move independently. Riding one was less transportation and more like attempting to tame a mechanical bull with an identity crisis. The resulting injuries ranged from “character-building scrapes” to “let’s name a hospital wing after you.”
17. Chloroform
Before the medical community fully embraced “first, do no harm,” chloroform was still hanging around in some 1970s medical settings. Sure, it knocked you out quickly, but it also came with fun side effects like potential liver damage and occasionally stopping your heart. The FDA finally said “enough” in 1976, classifying it as a carcinogen. Modern anesthesia might still leave you saying embarrassing things, but at least your liver isn’t filing for early retirement.
16. Witches’ Hat Playground Equipment
The Witches’ Hat was essentially a medieval torture device masquerading as fun—a cone-shaped metal frame that spun around a central pole while children clung desperately to the outer rim, experiencing g-forces that would make astronauts request hazard pay. The inevitable falls produced a rainbow of injuries from broken bones to concussions. Today’s playgrounds might be boring, but at least the only thing spinning is your kid after too much birthday cake.
15. Easy Bake Oven (First Edition)
The vintage Easy-Bake Oven operated on the same principle as leaving chocolate on your dashboard in July—except indoors, with a 100-watt lightbulb, and in the hands of a seven-year-old. These mini ovens reached temperatures of 350°F but had the insulation properties of tissue paper, turning “baking day” into “burn center visit.” Modern versions use safer heating methods, but they’ve lost that authentic “is something on fire?” atmosphere.
14. Toy Guns
In the “what were we thinking?” hall of fame, 1970s toy guns deserve a special exhibit. These realistic replicas perfectly mimicked their lethal counterparts down to the weight and feel. The only thing they didn’t do was actually fire bullets, which was small comfort when police officers couldn’t tell the difference. The 1988 Federal Toy Gun Law finally required orange tips, ending the era of “is that a real gun or is little Timmy just playing?”
13. Lead-Based Paint
The ’70s home decorator had a secret weapon: good old-fashioned lead poisoning. Lead paint offered durability and rich colors, with the minor downside of causing permanent neurological damage (especially in children, who had the habit of taste-testing paint chips). The Consumer Product Safety Commission finally banned lead paint in 1978. Today’s paints might fade faster, but they’ve got that special something—specifically, not causing brain damage.
12. Freon
Freon kept your ’70s refrigerator humming while simultaneously punching holes in the ozone layer—multitasking at its most destructive! This miracle refrigerant worked beautifully, apart from letting in enough UV radiation to give the entire planet a sunburn. The 1987 Montreal Protocol began Freon’s long goodbye, culminating in its 1996 ban in developed countries.
11. Dropside Cribs
The dropside crib seemed like such a good idea: a crib side that lowered for easy baby access. Unfortunately, the sliding mechanism created gaps where infants could become trapped—turning a convenience feature into a nightmare scenario. Between 2000 and 2010, these cribs were linked to at least 32 infant deaths before being banned in 2011. Modern cribs may require the flexibility of a yoga master, but at least they don’t double as inadvertent death traps.
10. Phthalates
The ’70s loved phthalates almost as much as polyester leisure suits. These chemicals softened plastics in everything from toys to food packaging. Later research would connect these unpronounceable compounds to hormone disruption and fertility problems—because who doesn’t want their endocrine system randomly reconfigured by their shower curtain? The 2008 Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act finally restricted several phthalates in children’s products.
9. Optional Seat Belts
In the ’70s, buckling up was considered about as necessary as using your turn signal—a nice suggestion but ultimately your call. This casual approach to not being ejected through windshields persisted until states began passing mandatory seat belt laws following the 1973 Highway Safety Act. Today’s cars practically hold an intervention if you don’t buckle up, which is annoying but preferable to becoming a human projectile.
8. Cigarette Advertisements on TV
The early ’70s marked the last gasp of cigarette companies advertising on television. These commercials featured rugged cowboys and sophisticated models—suggesting that smoking would transform you into either a frontier legend or a fashion icon, rather than someone winded by stairs. The Public Health Cigarette Smoking Act banned TV tobacco ads in 1971. Today’s anti-smoking PSAs showing blackened lungs are considerably less glamorous, but more honest.
7. Open Burning of Trash
Before recycling became mainstream, the standard waste management system was often “set it on fire in the backyard and hope for the best.” Homeowners routinely burned household trash, releasing a toxic potpourri of dioxins and particulate matter. The Clean Air Act amendments of 1970 began restricting this practice, much to the disappointment of those who enjoyed the unique aroma of burning plastic with their morning coffee.
6. Children Riding in Front Seats
Back in the ’70s, child safety in cars consisted primarily of “try not to hit anything” and maybe an adult arm flung across the passenger seat during hard braking. Kids routinely rode in front seats, often standing up or bouncing around unrestrained. Tennessee became the first state to require child restraints in 1978, beginning the radical notion that perhaps children should survive minor fender benders.
5. Dieldrin
Farmers in the ’70s loved dieldrin—a pesticide so persistent it made family grudges look temporary. This chemical stuck around in the environment for years, accumulating throughout the food chain like an uninvited dinner guest. The EPA banned most uses in 1974 after studies suggested it might cause cancer and neurological damage. Modern agriculture has moved on to less permanent pest control methods.
4. Toys with Small High-Powered Magnets
Some ’70s toys featured small, powerful magnets that seemed harmless—until children inevitably swallowed them. Unlike most swallowed objects, these magnets could attract each other through intestinal walls, causing perforations and blockages. The Consumer Product Safety Commission implemented magnet safety standards in 2009. Today’s toys are less likely to require emergency surgery, which feels like a reasonable standard.
3. Colonial Viper Toy
The Colonial Viper toy from Battlestar Galactica came with tiny missiles that launched with surprising force—perfect for intergalactic battles or lodging in windpipes. These projectiles created serious choking hazards, particularly for younger siblings. After a child fatally choked on a similar toy missile, the industry established new standards. Modern action figures’ weapons either don’t shoot at all or are large enough to double as doorstops.
2. Power Wheels Mini Car
Early Power Wheels ride-on vehicles combined two inherently risky things: small children and motorized transportation. These miniature cars featured brake systems that were more theoretical than functional and wiring that occasionally combusted spontaneously. After numerous complaints, Fisher-Price recalled over 10 million Power Wheels products in 1998. Today’s versions incorporate actual safety features, though physics remains stubbornly consistent.
1. Candy Cigarettes
Nothing prepared kids for a lifetime of healthy choices quite like candy cigarettes—realistic-looking sugar sticks that let children practice their future smoking habits. Complete with packaging that mimicked actual cigarette brands, these treats normalized smoking while developing a sweet tooth instead of a nicotine addiction. The Family Smoking Prevention and Tobacco Control Act of 2009 finally banned the most realistic versions. Today’s candy may still rot teeth, but at least it doesn’t come with bonus lung cancer associations.
